I’ve always been, and will always be, an introvert. Before I knew what introversion was, I carried a lot of shame and confusion about my introverted tendencies. But since I’ve grown my understanding over the past few years, I’m no longer ashamed. I’m proud. Being an introvert is part of my identity, one that I no longer allow to negatively impact my self-worth, my self-love, or my self-acceptance. It’s taken a long time for me to get to this point, and it wasn’t easy. But this part of my self-discovery journey was so worth it.
If you’re an introvert too, I know that sometimes it might seem difficult to be who you are. You may feel misunderstood and confused. You might wish you could navigate certain situations in life that other people seem to find so easy. But please know this: being an introvert is not a weakness and does not make you less valuable or capable or worthy of living a full life. Like any other personality trait, it’s just part of who you are.
Introversion is becoming a more widely understood topic, but there is still room for more information and education. Introverts deserve to be heard, understood, and supported. As a proud introvert, I want to help bring more attention to introversion, so in this post, I’ll be sharing some main points about what it’s really like to be an introvert.
What does it mean to be an introvert, and what’s the difference between an introvert and an extrovert?
There are a few different definitions of introversion, but basically introverts are people who prefer less stimulating and quieter environments. Extroverts crave the opposite, and thrive in situations with a high level of stimulation. Introverts recharge through alone time, extroverts recharge through time around others. Both personality types have their merits, and one is not better than another. You could also identify as an ambivert, which is someone who shows characteristics of both introversion and extroversion.
Introverts have certain needs.
The main needs of introverts are alone time, less stimulating environments, and quiet. All three of these are definitely needs of my own. I literally love being alone. Some people might think being alone could get boring, but I don’t think so. I simply need alone time to recharge, especially if I’ve been spending a lot of time with others. I don’t mind being in crowds, but I find that when there’s a lot happening around me at once, I’m likely to get overwhelmed pretty easily. I need time in a quiet space to gather my thoughts, connect with myself, and relax.
Just because introverts prefer to be alone doesn’t necessarily mean they hate socializing. It just means they prefer to socialize differently. I don’t talk just to fill the silence; I talk when I have something to say. I genuinely enjoy spending time with the people I love. But spending time with large groups of people that I’m not really close with is difficult for me, and makes me feel uncomfortable and drained. I always prefer to have one-on-one conversations instead of group conversations. I’d rather have a small group of close friends than a large group of acquaintances. It’s hard for me to connect with people, but the connections I do have are strong and deep. So even though socializing is not my favourite activity, I don’t always avoid it. I just do it differently.
Being an introvert comes with some struggles.
In Western culture, introversion simply isn’t the norm, and most societies are not structured in a way that supports introverts. For example, schools can be a harsh and scary place for young introverts. Class participation, public speaking, and group activities are mandatory. All three of these things are not conducive to the introvert mentality, and yet all children are forced into them. For me, these aspects made going to school very difficult and even frightening. What makes this problem even worse is that young children aren’t taught what being an introvert means so they have limited understanding of their own feelings or the feelings of others. Quiet children are instead taught or forced to adopt more extroverted qualities just to get through their daily school life. They’re treated like problems needing to be fixed. I can’t even count how many times my teachers would criticize me for being too quiet or advise my parents on how to improve my social skills. Looking back, I realize how harmful this was to my self-esteem. Instead of trying to change introverted children into extroverts, there should be more resources and support to help them live as who they are.
Just like schools, workplaces and even society in general are not structured to support the needs and behaviours of introverts. The expectation to socialize, a hustle mentality, and an uncomfortableness with silence seem to be the norm. Introverts are forced to adapt to these norms and neglect their natural tendencies just to get through daily life. As an introvert, I simply can’t handle being in social situations and overstimulating environments for long amounts of time, but because of the way society is built, these circumstances sometimes become impossible to avoid. My inability to always comply with these societal expectations also makes me feel misunderstood or judged by others. Getting through daily life as an introvert can be a struggle, and the workings of society doesn’t make it any easier.
I’m not saying we need to completely change the social norms and the ways society works. But I do believe there needs to be more of an understanding of the needs and behaviours of introverts to make daily life more supportive for them. Most importantly, everyone needs to realize introverts are not a problem that needs to be fixed.
There are certain things introverts just can’t handle.
I have many pet peeves that relate to my introversion. One thing I absolutely cannot stand anymore is when people point out how quiet I am. People always told me this when I was younger, and it made me feel self-conscious and really sad. Now, I just get frustrated and angry. Telling someone they’re quiet will not make them want to be louder. Telling someone they don’t talk a lot won’t magically make them more talkative. I had no idea how to respond to comments like that when I was a kid because I really didn’t understand why I was the way I was, so I didn’t know how to defend myself. I still sometimes get comments like these, and when I do, I’m more ready to stand up for myself and stay strong in who I am.
Another pet peeve of mine, and probably of almost all introverts, is small talk. I don’t want to talk about the weather or tell you I’m doing good when I’m really not or discuss any other surface-level topics. I’d much rather have more in-depth conversations about life. I know small talk is just a polite form of communication and there’s no easy way to avoid it, but as an introvert, sometimes I just cannot handle it.
I also have trouble communicating with extroverts. People with big personalities who are confident in groups and always seem to know exactly the right thing to say are the exact opposite of who I am. So sometimes I find it difficult to connect with people like this, especially when they try to push their extroverted ways onto me. When I’m around extroverts, I experience a strange mixture of admiration and fear. I think it’s great that they can carry themselves with such confidence, but I’m just not sure how to handle myself around them.
Despite all the things trying to work against them, introverts have many strengths.
Introverts spend a lot of time with their own thoughts, so they have a rich inner world. They have nuanced imaginations and are usually deep thinkers and creatives. Because of their preference for one-on-one communication and quality over quantity of relationships, introverts are able to make deep connections with others. They are also likely to be particularly sympathetic and empathetic. They may not be the first to speak up in a conversation, but they’re excellent listeners. And when they do speak, you know what they’re saying is meaningful and valuable. They’re also able to create a deep connection with themselves and their own thoughts. Introverts are a quiet and mighty force. Don’t underestimate them, because even though they might not always show it, they have many beautiful and magical things happening in their introverted mind.
Thankfully, introversion is becoming more understood and more people are realizing they identify with the characteristics of introversion. But our world is still largely structured to support extroverts, and this needs to change. The more we share information and speak our truth, the more everyone will start to realize just how valuable, capable, and admirable introverts really are.
what do you think?