As a human, you can only handle so much at one time, and there are probably certain situations you’d rather avoid. You may like to think that you can balance it all pretty well and you might convince yourself that you can get through any situation (I’m guilty of that, too). And even if you can mentally, emotionally, and physically handle life when a hundred different things are being thrown at you and you force yourself through experiences you’d rather not take part in, we could really all benefit from setting some boundaries.
Establishing and protecting your boundaries will help you care for your mental health and wellbeing, create a sense of balance and fulfillment, and intentionally spend your time and energy on your terms. The reality is, we can’t constantly give 100% of our effort, we can’t be available for everyone 24/7, and we always deserve to give ourselves a little grace.
Your boundaries are not something to be ashamed of. Despite what you may think, no one is judging you, and if they are, who cares? I believe knowing and sticking to your boundaries is a true sign of self-awareness and self-acceptance, which are so important for your sense of self. And other people will probably view these qualities as quite admirable.
You have so much to gain from establishing and protecting your boundaries. Knowing what your boundaries are and sticking to them no matter what will help you get through the busier times in life and add so much value to your days.
Ready to start establishing and protecting your boundaries? Then read on to learn how!
First, let’s talk about how to establish your boundaries.
There are different types of boundaries, and it’s helpful to establish what yours are for each category. I like to think of boundaries as having six categories:
Mental, emotional, physical, time, energy, and social.
With the ebbs and flows of life, the boundaries you set for each category will probably rise and fall in importance depending on the phase of life you’re in.
Reflect on what areas of your life fulfill you and which overwhelm you. Think back on times in your life when you felt like certain boundaries were pushed, leading to stress, overwhelm, discomfort, etc. What situations do you thrive in and which do you struggle with? If you could have total control over each of these six areas of your life, how would you decide to live?
Everyone is different, so I can’t tell you how exactly to figure out what your boundaries are, but when you engage with your self-reflection and pay attention to what fuels you and what drains you, you’ll eventually start to discover your boundaries, which will in turn help you to live your life on your terms in a mental, emotional, physical, time, energy, and social sense.
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Now let’s get into how to protect the boundaries you’ve established.
Once you’ve set your boundaries, it’s important to realize that they need to be protected. You named them for a reason, so you need to stick to them.
Here are some of the most useful ways to protect your boundaries.
Get comfortable with saying “no”.
If you’re a people pleaser (or a recovering people pleaser like me), you probably have a lot of trouble saying no to others. I especially struggle with saying no to people I care about, like my friends, family, and boyfriend. If someone wants to hang out and I’m just not up for it, I feel guilty for saying no, so I usually just end up saying yes, or I say no and give the other person a long-winded explanation because I feel so bad for saying no. I’m getting better at saying no, but it’s still something I have trouble doing.
In order to protect your boundaries, you have to get comfortable with saying no. Turning down certain invitations or opportunities that don’t sit right with you is totally okay. You don’t need to explain yourself or justify your decision. You can simply say no. Learning to say no is a very important way to protect your boundaries.
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Don’t expect too much of yourself.
Yes, you are capable of so much in this life. You can do anything you put your mind to. You can reach for the stars and achieve your wildest dreams and all those other clichés about accomplishing your goals. I’m not saying you can’t do any of that. But I do believe that it’s healthy to be realistic and not expect too much of yourself.
You’re only human, and you can only handle so much at once. It’s okay to take a step back and admit that you need a break or you just can’t deal with everything that’s going on. That doesn’t make you weak. In fact, it makes you stronger, because it shows that you have the self-awareness to know when to give yourself a little grace. Not expecting too much of yourself will allow you to stay within your boundaries, which will only be a benefit to you in the long run.
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Intentionally make time for yourself.
Whether you’re an introvert or not, having alone time can be a huge benefit to you. Intentionally making time for yourself is a great way to relax, reset, and recharge away from the noise of everyday life.
There is no rule saying you have to be available for everyone all the time. You need time to yourself, too. Having time alone will allow you to tend to yourself so that you can protect your boundaries and return to the world to put in your best effort when you feel ready.
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Listen to the signs from your mind, body, and soul.
It’s important to learn how to recognize the signs that your boundaries are being tested. Threatened boundaries can manifest as things like stress, anxiety, overwhelm, frustration, tiredness, and burnout. And I don’t know about you, but those feelings are pretty painful for me and I’d like to avoid them as much as I can.
When any difficult effects to your mind, body, and soul like these come up, it might be a sign that your boundaries need some protecting. Learning how to listen to these signs, recognize them, and take action to remedy them are some of the best things you can do to protect your boundaries.
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Show some self-compassion.
At first, your boundaries might be a source of guilt, shame, or embarrassment, and you may find yourself in a spiral of negative self-talk. Before I did the inner work to come to terms with my boundaries, I remember being so harsh towards myself, believing that my boundaries made me weak and unworthy and overly sensitive, and feeling bad about myself for not being able to handle certain aspects of life.
Now that I know how important my boundaries are to maintaining my mental health and overall wellbeing, I’m able to be more compassionate with myself. If you experience a similar struggle with your boundaries, give yourself a little grace and show some self-compassion. Pay attention to the way you talk to yourself, and shift this self-talk towards more loving kindness.
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Be open about your boundaries.
Your boundaries are nothing to be ashamed of. Talking about your boundaries with others may feel intimidating and scary at first. You might think that the other person is judging you or thinking that you’re weak or strange. But they probably aren’t thinking those things at all.
It might take the people in your life a little bit of time to understand your boundaries, but being open about them will be a huge benefit to you in the long run. When you’re upfront and honest about your boundaries, you’ll be more able to live your life on your terms and not for the sake of others.
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Boundaries are so important for your wellbeing. Establishing and protecting them can save you from a lot of discomfort, stress, and pain. And remember, your boundaries do not make you weak or weird. We all have boundaries, and yours are specific to your beliefs, your needs, and who you are as a person. So stay true to your boundaries, because when you do, your quality of life will thrive.
Have you established your key boundaries? What do you do to protect them? I’d love to know!
what do you think?