My Journey With Anxiety Part 2 – Where I Am Now

Anxiety is difficult to deal with, and even more so when you don’t understand that you’re dealing with it. That was my situation for most of my childhood and teenage years, which I wrote about in My Journey With Anxiety Part 1 – The Early Years. I felt so many emotions I couldn’t describe or understand. This held me back from taking the steps to live with my anxiety instead of be controlled by it. It wasn’t until I got to university that I really started to understand what I was going through was anxiety. Those years were the start of the next part of my journey with anxiety, a journey that I’m still taking today.

I learned a lot in university, and not just about the subjects I was studying. Through various experiences, I learned more about myself and my mental health. One of the ways I did this was learning from the experiences of other people. I still had trouble making new friends, but I was able to make genuine connections with a few people in university. I was surprised to find that most of the friends I made also dealt with similar things that I did. Hearing them talk about their own struggles and insecurities made me more comfortable to talk about mine. And the more I talked about it, the more I started to understand it and not feel so ashamed about it. Because I was able to open up to others who also dealt with certain aspects of anxiety, I felt less alone and more understood.

Talking with people who understand what you’re going through because they’ve gone through it themselves is so beneficial. Those connections I made helped me through a lot in university. But I still struggled with opening up to people who didn’t have as much of an understanding about anxiety. I knew I needed to open up to my family but I found it difficult at first because I was still struggling with how to put my emotions into words. After a few failed attempts that just ended in frustration and even more anxiety on my part, I eventually found ways to calm myself down enough to gather my thoughts and express them in a way that I hoped they would understand. My parents and my sister have always been my biggest support system, and even though they may not completely understand what I go through when it comes to anxiety, they still do their best to help me through it.

By the time I graduated, I felt like I had a better handle on my mental health than I did in the years before. I still struggled, but I was more able to recognize my struggles and find ways to cope with them. I decided I needed to pay more attention to my mental health and wellbeing. I had some of the worst anxiety of my life in the year after I graduated, but I also had some of the biggest breakthroughs. I started to read more non-fiction, listen to podcasts, and immerse myself in other people’s stories of mental health struggles and successes. I researched and learned and grew my understanding of what anxiety actually is and how to cope with it. Learning from people’s experiences and other outside sources helped me to consider my own situation in a new way. It broadened my perspective of anxiety within society and brought me closer to the anxiety within myself. I’m so glad I gave myself that time to get to know myself on a whole other level because it has given me so many long-term benefits.

I’ve also become better at opening up about my anxiety. It’s difficult for me to explain it to others when I’m caught up in it, but when it subsides and I’ve had time to reflect on it, I’m more able to verbalize how I was feeling and why I might’ve been feeling that way. Most importantly, I found the courage to ask for help. At the end of last year, I talked with my family doctor about the issues I struggle with in terms of anxiety and depression. She recommended me to a counselling program which I started at the beginning of this January. Through the guidance of self-help workbooks and phone sessions with my counsellor, I’ve been able to go more in depth into certain aspects of my anxiety, analyze how they play out in my daily life, and learn coping strategies. Knowing how to live with anxiety is not an overnight process, but receiving counselling is definitely helping me move forward.    

Anxiety for me is still a difficult thing to experience. But I have a much different relationship with it than I used to. I’ve accepted that anxiety is simply a part of who I am and I’ve made peace with it. I’m no longer scared of it because I’ve found ways to face it. I know it can’t control me because I’m building the strength to control it. And most importantly, I allow myself to feel my anxiety instead of suppress it. I’ve realized that I often need to sit with my anxiety and listen to it in order to learn from it. I know what I struggle with and I’m no longer ashamed of my emotions. I overthink everything, I worry about a lot, and I get overwhelmed easily. I carry a lot of fear, I deal with unhelpful and extreme thoughts, and I have pretty bad social anxiety. And that’s okay. It’s a lot to handle, but I’m learning to manage it better and better every day. Anxiety does not define me, it does not control me, and it will not stop me from living a full life.

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