How to Live Life on Your Terms

Living life on your terms may seem like a simple concept. You just do what you want, the way you want, when you want. But I know from experience this isn’t always so easy. We have so many outside forces pushing and pulling us in a thousand different directions. We have obligations, responsibilities, and a list of things we have to do that we don’t always want to do. It’s impossible to completely erase these aspects of our life. And unfortunately, it’s almost too easy to get caught up in them and lose sight of how you actually want to live your life. I think it’s important for us to learn how to step away from the noise of it all and reconnect with ourselves. When you really think about it, how do you want to live your life? It’s not always easy to find an answer, but I think there are a few ways to get us there.

Reflect on what brings you joy. Think back to moments or periods of your life when you felt truly happy. Then reflect on why you were happy and how you found that joy. Was it the activity you were doing? The people you were with? The food you were eating? Once you figure out what the source of that happiness was, the next step is simple: bring more of that thing into your life! And don’t just say you will and then forget about it. Actually make a conscious and actionable effort to make it happen. You may think you’re too busy or too stressed or too tired, and trust me, I get it. I feel that way, too (like, all the time). But that only gives us more of a reason to find as many ways as possible to bring joy into our life. In order to live with the busyness and stress and tiredness, we need to counteract it with things that boost our moods. It’s a simple thing and we all deserve it.

Consider your non-negotiables. This means figuring out what you absolutely need in your life in order to feel complete and satisfied. Do you want to have kids, no matter what? Maybe you unquestionably have to live in a certain city. How about alone time or scheduled family vacations or a big house? These non-negotiables can be emotional, material, familial, professional, or anything else you simply can’t live without. Knowing what these things are for  you will give you a guideline towards acquiring that non-negotiable if it’s not yet in your life, or maintaining it if you already have it. The key with non-negotiables is once you know what yours are, you stick to them unapologetically. They are a reflection of your deepest values and beliefs, and no one can take that away from you.

Listen to your inner voice. This might sound really abstract, and in some ways it is. But I believe we all have an inner voice, and therefore are all capable of connecting with it. Your inner voice usually knows what’s best for you and will guide you onto the right path. It’s an extension of your true identity and is directly connected to your instinct as a unique human. You don’t need to fall into a deep meditative trance to hear your inner voice. All you have to do is listen to the thoughts in your mind, acquaint yourself with them, and in times of need, really hear what they have to say. I know this probably still sounds abstract and a little strange, but what I’m basically trying to say is we could all benefit from taking the time to listen to our own thoughts and really try to hear what they have to say.  

Depend on your own opinion and approval more than that of others. I have struggled with this my whole life, and still do today. It’s often helpful to receive feedback and constructive opinions; receiving guidance and reassurance from the trusted people in your life can be so beneficial. But it becomes a problem when we start depending on the approval of others and letting those opinions impact our opinion of ourselves. We have to remember that we can receive all the outside help and criticism we want, but at the end of it all, you’re left with yourself. Your input matters the most.

Learn how to stay true to who you are. We all change as we grow older and experience different stages of life, so maybe we truly never stay the same. But at every point in life, I believe it’s important to know your values, beliefs, dreams, desires, morals, goals, and anything else that is important to you. These make up the fabric of who we are in certain periods of our life. And it’s okay if these things change in small or big ways. We can’t stop the inevitability of growth. But we can stay in touch with the things that make us who we are at every stage in life.

Find your balance. What does balance in life mean to you? Do you believe it’s even possible? I know that I thrive when things are in balance. I love feeling like I’ve given all the parts of my life the amount of attention they deserve. I know perfect balance is not always possible, and it’ll probably be even more difficult to achieve as I get older. But right now, at this point in my life, I believe in balance and the benefits it provides for me. Maybe you feel differently, and that’s awesome. Whether you believe in it or you don’t, finding meaning in balance is an important part of living on your terms.  

Embrace everything you are and everything you can be. If nothing in this blog post resonated with you, embrace that. If by reading this you feel called to attend to a part of your life you may have been neglecting, embrace that, too. Embracing everything you are means cultivating self-acceptance and not apologizing or justifying yourself. Embracing everything you can be means realizing your potential for growth and transformation. Embrace brings everything together, and that’s why I love the word and the concept so much.

All of these tips are just some of the ways I have learned, and continue to learn, how to live life on my terms. Some might feel easier than others at any given time, but I believe there is power in each of them. It’s up to you to make meaning of it all in your own life. Then you can start to live your best life on your own terms every day.

lifestylepersonal growthself-reflection