5 Steps to Stop Depending on Other People’s Approval

In my How to Live Life on Your Terms post, I outlined a few things you can do to live your life the way you truly want. One of the things I wrote about was the idea of depending on your opinion and approval more than that of others. This is something I have struggled with my whole life and I still have a hard time navigating it now. Learning to deal with the opinions of others is a topic worth getting into, so I’ll definitely dive into that in the future. But in this post, I’ll be focusing on the steps you can take to stop depending on other people’s approval.

This might just be me, but I find that when I’m trying to make a decision, I often run it by someone else before I take action. Whether it’s something small like what to wear to an event or what food to order for dinner, or something big like the design of my website or a significant investment, I feel validated in my decisions when I receive approval. If someone else thinks whatever option I decided is okay, then I’m more confident in doing it. But when I don’t receive approval, I send myself into a tailspin of doubts and worries until I don’t even know what I want anymore. I often let the approval or disapproval from others impact what I actually want. I think it’s totally okay to discuss your decisions with someone else before you reach a conclusion. If you’re unsure, talking it out can sometimes help you discover what you actually want. But I think it becomes a problem when you already know subconsciously what your decision is, and then when you don’t receive approval, you second guess what you want. We need to stand firm in our decisions, even when other people don’t agree. And we can’t let the approval from others impact our approval of ourselves.   

Like I said, this is something I still have trouble with, so I haven’t figured out how to completely overcome it. But I have discovered some strategies that help me navigate this problem. Let’s dive into five steps you can take to stop depending on other people’s approval.

1.Determine if the decision aligns with your values, beliefs, and desires.

Even if you don’t think you know what your values, beliefs, or desires are, you probably already do know. You just have to do a little self-reflecting to unearth them. If your decision matches up with any or all of your values, beliefs, and desires, then you know it means something to you. And if it’s meaningful to you, why wouldn’t you stick with it no matter what anyone else thinks? I find that when my decision aligns with these three aspects of myself, I feel surer that it’s something I need to include in my life.

2. Consider your options and decision on your own.

I’ll admit, sometimes (well, maybe a lot of the time) I give up really easily and really fast. If I come across something I can’t figure out or can’t decide on, I’ll almost immediately go to someone else for guidance. I don’t give myself enough time to weigh my options or reflect on my decision by myself first. I’m trying to get better at this, because I find that when I do give myself some alone time with the decision at hand, I feel more able to get in touch with what I actually want. Whereas if I immediately resort to seeking the help of someone else, I let their opinion sway my decision. I think it’s important to consider your options and decision on your own first because you’ll be more likely to come to a conclusion that aligns with what you truly want.

3. Receive the feedback of others mindfully.

If someone doesn’t agree with your decision or doesn’t believe in what you desire, that’s okay. It’s great to receive honest, helpful, and trustworthy feedback from others. But no matter how much you respect the person who is telling you to rethink or abandon your decision, it’s okay to disagree with them. Listen to what they have to say and take it into consideration. Maybe they’ll help you realize some aspects of your decision you hadn’t thought about before. But if you’ve given an honest thought about their opinion, and it still doesn’t resonate with you, resist the urge to sway your decision in their favour. 

4. Don’t feel the need to justify yourself to others.

So you’ve mindfully received some feedback from another person, you’ve given their opinion some thought, and you don’t agree with them. You have a decision and you’re going to stick with it. I know that when I find myself in this situation, I feel the need to explain myself to the other person and give them a whole speech about how sorry I am that I can’t take their advice. But I’ve come to realize how silly this is. Why do I need to apologize for sticking to what I believe in? Why do I have to justify myself to someone who is outside of my decision? I don’t have to do either of these things, and neither do you. If you’ve completed some honest self-reflection to get to this decision, you deserve to stick with it, no questions asked.

5. Stay true to what you really want.

If you’re able to successfully get through the first four steps of releasing yourself from other people’s approval, this final step will come easily. It’s important to realize that at the end of it all, you’re left with yourself and the impacts of your decisions. If you stay true to who you are and what you really want, making your decision will feel much more fulfilling.

As long as you’re staying true to what you want, and you’re not harming anyone or anything as a result of that decision, your desires are valid. When it comes to your decisions, your opinion matters the most. You don’t need the approval of anyone else. Feel free to seek guidance and help when you need it, but at the end of it all, remember only you will be left with your decision, so you might as well be happy with it.

lifestylepersonal growthself-reflection